So guess what... No more cancer!!!

So guess what… I DON’T HAVE CANCER ANYMORE!!!  Today I went to get a PET-scan and after the doctor got the results I called him and he said I am cancer free.  What a relief.  I now need to meet with my doctor every 4 months for the next 2 year, and then I will still meet with him for every 6 months for the following 3 years.

I have heard it said our bodies don’t wear out they rust out.  During the past 6 months I have gained 50 lbs.  So on Monday I am meeting with a Physical Therapist to see what I can do to get back into good shape.  I still have to be careful because I still have that pulmonary embolism sitting in my lower right lung.  But I’m sure the Physical Therapist and I can work with that.  Riding my bike and running I think will be what I want to do, but that doesn’t mean that’s what will happen.

Here are some words of advice from Clayton McIntyre.  “Don’t get cancer, it sucks.”

I almost died again and it was my last chemo today!!!

Guess what, I almost died again!  This is twice now I almost died since last August, first with cancer at stage 3b and now this.  On March 29^th I had some chest pains in my right side that felt like my ribs were broken or bruised but only when I breathed or twisted never when I actually touched them.  It turned out being a pulmonary embolism.

For those of you who have not heard of a pulmonary embolism, it is a blood clot that breaks loose from somewhere in the body and makes its way to your heart, brain or lungs.  If it stops in your heart it is a heart attack, your brain a stroke, your lungs a pulmonary embolism.  All three are deadly and on the same playing field.



Me in the ER demonstrating

how to use the bed side urinal.

It hurt most of the day and I still went shopping with Renée.  By the time we got home and put Liliana down for a nap I called my brother-in-law and asked him to take me to urgent care.  He has two kids and was able to throw them in his van and get to our house with a quicker response time then an ambulance.  We instead just had him stay and listen for Liliana if she woke up.  If he were to have come with me to the doctors they would ask our relation, and “partner” is just so much easier to say the “brother-in-law.”  Anyways we made it to urgent care and while in the waiting room I scared a teenage girl telling her that I was in there because I am fat and it was clogging my artery and was going to die on the spot.  I was checked out, got to keep an image of my chest x-ray and was sent to the ER.  We decided to go to the ER down were my Oncologist works so all my info would be in one internal network, easy for all doctors.

They hadn’t quit figured out what I had yet by this point but they had an idea.  Apparently when you go to a crowded ER and a doctor had already sent over your lab work ahead of you, and they think you my have an embolus in your lung, you get bumped right to the front of the line… yep I felt “SPECIAL.”  After more and more blood tests and a ct-scan it was confirmed, yep it is a pulmonary embolism in my lower right lung.  So I got to stay in the hospital for 4 an half days. 

While I was there all the staff was so awesome.  They even had all the rainbow sorbet I could eat, (side note) rainbow sorbet is my favorite sorbet.  But at one point my fever got to high for their liking at 99°F.  So I was put on a cold blanket.  I seriously think this was item was devised in some horrible dungeon with the purpose of torture.  It’s really a small mat that you lay on and is filled with water.  It is hooked up by a hose to a machine that almost freezes it.  How do I know it almost frizzes you ask?  Because I served my mission in a country that uses the metric system, just like this hospital.  I lay down on this cold mat and noticed that the temp was dropping fast and the numbers were in Celsius.  At the most miserable point, I saw that the machine said 3°C then dropped to 2°C.  It is 0°C that is equal to 32°F, which is where water turns into ice…  to my relief it went back to 3°C then 4°C after it 5°C I was hopeful it would finally end but the machine kicked on and dropped it back down to 4°C then 3°C.  I stopped watching after that.  Did I mention this was 2:30am? 

There were other times that I felt really scared and alone because I really have cancer and I really have a blood clot in my lung that can kill me.  I was scared at one point I wanted Renée and Liliana to be in the hospital with me before the doctor showed up so I would have their comfort just in case the doc said “well I checked everything out and your lymph nodes are still cancerous… sucks to be you.”  They came quickly and when the doctor showed up he said nothing of the sort.  I still missed my daughter so much I asked Renée to take some video of her at home and bring it to me the next day.  I even was able to pull up YOUTUBE on my room's TV and show my nurses my daughter.   Speaking of TV, I was on the Oncology floor because I am being treated for cancer, so the TV one they had in my room was hooked up.  Those rooms are meant for people who receive chemo for days on end every few weeks.  The TV had internet access and even a program with old style Atari games and serine video of mountains with native music behind it.  I took full advantage of it all and watched HULU.  I don’t want to state what shows I was introduced to because it would be very embracing… GCB.

getting chemo... and it sucks.

The great thing was that I got to get out of chemo that Friday.  It was suppose to be my second to last chemo but my Oncologist told me that they were just going to push everything back two weeks.  So that meant a whole month of recovery from chemo!  Two weeks prior to my hospital stay I had chemo, now two weeks after was the next one.  I tell you, it was great by the third and fourth week I started to feel a whole lot better.  It finally hit me how the chemo just keeps me down long enough to get a gulp of air the right when I think I’m about to break surface it pulls me down again.  But 4 weeks off not only did I get my head above water but I was able to swim a bit too.  I had that second to last chemo and it was like starting all over again.  Meaning it was like in the beginning, not as bad, but I did get the chemo hiccups again. 

On a side note, today I had my last chemo treatment and it went off without a hitch.  I only threw up twice in the bathroom at the infusion center.  This is a good thing because I usually can’t make it that far and end up using a trash can or a bucket that they provide.  They put me under so I would stay calm and not have wave after wave of nausea.  I’m obviously feeling excited that is my last one today because I normally would be a sleep all day but I was awake enough to write up this blog… and I was to go join my DND group that just started an hour ago… but I don’t think that would be a good idea.  The next step is to get another PET-scan and that will be in two weeks, this will tell if the chemo treatment has worked or not.  Two weeks after that my Oncologist will see how I’m doing and better have an idea of a day I can return to work.

Dungeons and Dragons: a reason to live.

Picture if you will a world of fantasy full of all manner of magic and adventure, a heroic warrior, a crass dwarf, a cunning thief and a wise wizard.  A world only limited by your imagination.  A place where you can create and destroy, fight for right and for plunder, a place made possible in the realm of Dungeons and Dragons.  Now in reality picture a group of friends huddled around a table with a hand drawn map over a grid.  In front of each person is a set of dice and a sheet of paper with their character’s information, its name, its stats, and what it’s able to do.  This piece of paper coupled with a pencil is all that stands in the way of the utter destruction of the player’s imagined world… or it could be the very implement of inhalation.  It is run by a person called the Dungeon Master, who is in control of the rest of the game outside of the actual player’s characters.  They are the one who tells you what is around that corner or in that chest, the one who determines what you will face next.  It sounds like a glorious roll but really it’s like herding cats.

 I was introduced to paper and pencil role playing by my brother-in-law, who is a big nerd.  It was because of him I was even allowed to join up.  I was told I was let in the group because I had experience with character building in video games, specifically Fallout 3, and they were starting a new campaign.  Can you believe that a group of nerds, dorks and all manner of geeks would be exclusive???  Well it’s true, they don’t want a novice coming in and mucking up the gaming experience, and I don’t blame them.  I have played recently with people who didn’t know what they were doing and all I wanted to do was reach across the table and punch them in the face.

What I enjoy most about D&D is getting out with friends and just goofing around.  Now there are those who are in the closet about their involvement with D&D, and to that I say, D&D SAVES LIVES!!!  I rotate from chemo on one Friday to D&D on the other and I enjoy it… the D&D part.  It is almost a therapy for me, a distraction for the horrible experience that is Chemo.  It’s not just the game night but the whole lead up and character creation.  Periodically throughout the week I will go over what my character is able to do and what really motivates him, and that is to just jack crap up...  My wife wanted me to say something about how awesome she is (which I agree with) for letting me go out Friday nights and play D&D with friends and have a normal life… then she said “Wait, normal? HA HA HA!!!”  All my blogs are about how awesome Renee is and she thinks I should follow the trend.

If you are a big dork like those guys I play D&D with and don’t know where you can find a D&D group to try out.  Check out D&D Encounters wich are put on by Wizards of the Coast at a local gaming store.  Just type in your zip code and they will show you where you can join a group and play.  It usually is on Wednesday nights.  There is a lot of work that is put into the campaign’s story and dynamics.  I’m just glad I get to show and have a distraction from cancer. 

Please enjoy this accurate portrayal of a night of D&D.

I'm glad I'm married...

I want to ride my Bicycle.

I like riding my bike.  I miss it a lot.  Reading this guest blogger’s article made me want to gird up my fetching loins and go on a ride.  I really like ridding my mtn bike with Liliana on it.  We just go around the neighborhood, looking at the houses and people nearby, we actually found a nice little park for her.  Rides with here usually take about 10 to 20 mins.  But this week I went on a ride on my road bike… all by myself.  I rode from my house to Wal-Mart and back, totaling 8.5 miles.  Now for all you riders out there this does not seem like a lot but let me tell you, you’re right.  I was never an awesome rider but I was able to ride a 56 miler one time.  I left from here in Escondido went down Del Dios highway to Del Mar, followed the PCH to La Jolla, cut across Mira Mar to Pomerado rd. and took that all the way back to Escondido.  So my little 8.5 miler was not as cool but it is a good start.  I picked up a twelve pack of coke too.

For those of you who don’t know what a century ride is, it is a 100 mile bike ride.  I want to ride a century and there are tons of them here in the San Diego area.  It doesn’t have to be an organized ride, even though the Ocotillo Stage Coach Ride sounds cool.  But as long as I can hit 100 miles in one day that’s all that matters to me.  Does anyone have any tips on how to train for a century ride?  I especially want to ride out in the desert I like it out there better then the coast line.  March 30th is my last chemo treatment and I plan on getting back on my bike for real and go to town.  So if anyone has any good suggestions on some routes I would love know to about them, MOUTAIN TRAILS TOO!!!

Put Your Cancer On Hold With Exercise

An article written by a guest blogger David Haas.

When diagnosed with cancer, jumping right into an exercise program is not typically the first thought which comes to mind. However, fighting the disease and doing what it takes to slip into recovery mode is the main focus after digesting the news of actually having a life threatening disease such as cancer.

Clinical research indicates that physical movement is beneficial for cancer patients whether activity is sought out at time of diagnosis, during treatment, or at time of recovery. When it comes to surviving cancer, eating the right foods and getting enough exercise will keep an individual stronger in mind and body.  Research has shown that exercise plays a role in preventing cancer from returning. Studies have also indicated that having excess weight lessened the chance of a longer survival time. There is also a higher risk of the cancer returning.

The fact is that exercise makes any individual thinner, stronger, and physically more fit whether a cancer patient or not. Exercise also builds a better mood, enhances self-confidence, fights fatigue, and prevents the chance of diabetes or cardiovascular disease, and more. Whether for colon cancer, breast cancer, or mesothelioma, exercise could have a substantial affect on the outcome of a cancer diagnosis.

The cancer patient may wonder when it is the best time to begin exercising. A healthcare professional will most likely suggest “the sooner, the better”. Getting right into an exercise agenda will prevent depression, stress, and physical ill symptoms from erupting, as they usually will when first diagnosed with cancer.  More often than not, a cancer patient will basically lead a sedentary lifestyle while recuperating from a lengthy treatment. If no exercise is performed during this process, however, it will take the body a taxing effort to find the strength for any physical activity. If exercise is included in a daily routine from the beginning, the body will continue to strengthen without much effort at all.

Whether an exercise program includes stretching movements, walking or swimming, or weight lifting resistant type training, any form of physical activity will promote strength to fight the disease and the will to recover from the cancer.

Grilled cheese made me fat.

Before chemo

Well, I am fat.  Chemotherapy has not affected my appetite.  Before I found out I had cancer I was riding my bike a lot and had a job that was a keeping me on my feet jumping from delivery truck to delivery truck at Fed-Ex Ground.  That all coupled with the one of the signs of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma which is unexplained weight loss, I got all the way down to 184lbs… but now I am at 220lbs.  I have gained 36lbs in the past four or so months, and I am feeling it.  I have to rock myself out of the car, when I get up from squatting I have to grab something to pull myself up and now I’m back in my fat cloths.

Now

Now it’s not the chemo’s fault because I am the one who is eating the food I do and not exercising at all.  Let me show you one of the main culprits of my weight gain, the grilled cheese sandwich.  Now this is no regular grilled cheese sandwich this is one of my own creations that is so delicious you will be shocked at how easy it is.  I took a picture of what you will need so it will be easy for you to figure out.  

1.      First off you will need bread, I usually use Sourdough bread but we did not have any so I had to settle for potato bread, it was not as good so I am sorry that I am showing a substandard grilled cheese sandwich.

2.       You need your cheese.

3.       You will need Mayonnaise.

4.       Last but not least Philadelphia crème cheese.

Spread the crème cheese on one of the pieces of bread, make sure it is evenly spread because if there is a clump it will be molten lava hot when you start eating it.  Then spread the Mayonnaise on the outside of the bread like you would your butter or margarine.  Then put your choice of cheese and grill it up.  Be prepared for deliciousness.  Now is it any wonder why I have gained 36 lbs in the past few months?

I'm Bald and So Can YOU!!!

Well my hair never fell out in clumps but it did start shedding a lot.  It was really disgusting and depressing.  When I shaved my head I instantly felt better.  Now I regularly keep it shaven.  This is because when I let it grow out I notice areas that are thinner than they were before chemo.  They are as listed, my hair line, my mustache, my chin and my butt. 

I have also started experimenting with different types of shaving.  First off I used clippers to cut it down.  Then I use the beard trimmer on my electric razor to shorten it even more, then I used a regular razor to finish it off.  The next day when it grew out a bit I used my electric razor and it worked fine as well.  I have also used my double edged razor, which was scary at first.  Next I plan on using my straight razor… now that will really be scary.



Nice phone Jon

Nice phone Robbie

There are others who have shaved their heads as well.  At first I thought it was silly and I didn’t need the support, but now I think it pretty cool.  My brother-in-law Jon was quick to jump on the opportunity to shave his head.  Then a mutual friend of ours, Robbie, decided to do the same.  I asked Renée to shave her head too in support of her husband but she said no, flat out.  There was a compromise though and that was to chop off 12 inches and donate it Locks of Love.  They provide hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children who are suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis… again worse off than I am.  I think Renée looks gorgeous.

Before

After

So thank you to those who have shaved or cut your hair.  As a show of thanks I will name one of my cancer fish after you and change it to your favorite color.  If there is anyone else who would like to shave their head or cut off enough to donate, I will do the same for you.  Just send me a picture of your new doo for my blog and the color of your choice. 

So in short, at first I thought people shaving their heads to support me was ridiculous, but now I think it’s okay.

Three months left

HALF WAY DONE!!!  Well I am now half way done with my chemo treatment.  I have had 6 treatments and I have 6 left… and it sucks.  It’s not downhill from here it’s still all up hill. It’s like an escarpment, like Upper Canada.  But here I am with only a total of 6 months of chemo scheduled, where as the lady next to me who had Leukemia has 2 years worth of chemo, she has 19 months left.  I get chemo every other Friday and she gets it every Friday.  So again I am reminded that I don’t have it as bad as others.  That being said it was the worst chemo treatment ever.  I threw up like 6 times, fertilizing a tree.  I actually am getting nauseous just typing it up, so I will leave it at that. 

Change of subject, Liliana is so cute!!!  Before chemo this past Friday Liliana wanted to eat my breakfast.  It was too hot so I let her have a Cheez-It.  She had just finished her own breakfast so she just held it there in her hand, nibbling only a little of the corner.  She held it out in her hand all the way to the car watching everything else but that Cheez-It.  I locked her in her car seat and we took her to Jon and Shannon’s.  She still held on to that Cheez-It, but now half was nibbled away. Liliana was eager to get down and play.  I asked if I could put her down with the Cheez-It in her hand.  Shannon said they were food friendly so it was ok.  When I put her down she wanted to crawl to the other side of the room where there were buckets of toys.  She took one attempt with the occupied hand by putting her weight on the back of her wrist then stopped and gently placed the half Cheez-It on the shag rug and just left it there.  Made her way to the toys and was thus occupied from that moment.  I ate the rest of the Cheez-It.

Liliana also did a good job at getting me out of the house last week.  For Christmas I got a child’s seat for my bicycle… not for me of course but for Liliana.  It’s great because the weight is in a better spot than behind me.  It is great, and she loves it.  I was so excited to ride my bike and have her on it I decided to try and run an errand.  There is nothing close that needs to get done so we hopped on and rode to a Mexican restaurant and got a burrito.  We live on a nice slope so getting there was a breeze but I was feeling it on the way back.  That ride took a lot out of me.  next time I will just ride around the block.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

I think I have had quite the adventures during my past 6 years.  Here is a list of what was going on in my life at the time of my birthdays since I turned 20.

·         I turned 20 in Oakland, Ca.  I had gone on a New-Years trip with two of my friends, Katie and Megan to San Francisco.  Had a girlfriend named Renée and was working at Estancia Hotel and Spa as a bus boy.

·         I celebrated my 21^st birthday on my mission.  I was serving in Hailybury, Ontario.  We went to a small town called Ville-Marie in Quebec and I bought a goofy hat.  That goofy hat kept me nice and warm.  This was the birthday that I realized my birthday was in the winter… when it snowed.  My girlfriend Renée was waiting for me back home while I served my mission.

·         My 22^nd birthday was also spent on my mission but this time I was serving in Woodstock, Ontario.  That winter it snowed hard, wet and heavy because I was right in the middle of the great lakes.  Renée had dumped me saying I needed to “focus on the work.”

·         When I turned 23 guess what...I was married to Renée!!! It looks like she waited after all.

·         I was working two jobs at 24, Deseret Book and Fed-Ex Ground as a package handler. 

·         When I turned 25 I had a 14 day old baby girl.

·         And now 26… Guess what… I have cancer. Crazy!!!

Well here I am now, January 3rd, turning 26.  I thought to myself about how crazy it is to have cancer and be going through chemo right now.  Who knows, it may be the cancer is all gone.  Anyways this cancer sure has thrown us for a loop.  One line from Robert Burns 1785 poem “To a Mouse” made famous by John Steinbeck, has been always in my mind. 

“The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,”

I figured I would go look up the poem and see what the whole thing said.  Starting it off was a bit difficult because I didn’t understand the old English.  You figure all the scripture reading I have done cwuld have prepared me for this poem.  I guess the King James Version of the Bible is written in “Old English Lite”. 

I felt bad for this little mouse.  Robert Burns had just plowed through his house and winter was coming.  But you know what that mouse was able to do?  Build a new one.  There has been one recurring theme throughout my list of birthdays and it is a desire to be with Renée.  We met when I was 19 and slowly I fell in love with her.  It was instantaneous for her of course.  For the past 6 years I have had her in my life and was able to come out on top of many bad situations because of her.  This is one of them.  Our best-laid schemes had a plow dragged right through it and now here we are in a field running around like that little mouse before winter.  But again that mouse had it in his capability to dig a new home just like we have the capability to keep moving forward.  I know with Renée I can get through anything.  Thank you Renée.